||[Sep. 19th, 2005|01:54 am]
Bored so decided to make an update.|
I sometimes sit down and realize how many bad decisions I have made in my life. I have made QUITE a number of them.
Let's see... I can remember my life in grade school. I was so afraid of socializing with people. Despite the fact that most of the people were jerks, I knew there were a couple of people there who were actually cool people and were willing to be my friend. The problem is I was so anti-social and for some reason, I couldn't stand their company. I had a friend here and a friend there but most of the time, I would find myself being alone. And for some reason, I didn't find anything wrong with this. It was very depressing now that I realize this because I know that I could have made some GREAT friends, but my decision to be anti-social prevented me in doing so.
High school comes and I learned to be a bit social. Most of the time, I would hang out with different people in order to find that clique I can hang out with. Fortunately, I found that special group of friends that would currently be some of the best friends that I have today. I had some awesome memories with them. True, there was some drama here and there but overall, I wouldn't trade what I experienced for the world. I did regret my preference for women though. I was the type of guy that sought to get what I couldn't have. I guess it was because my naivete got the best of me. And that's probably why I have no self-confidence... All those rejections made me fail to see that it's not because I'm not a likeable person but it was simply not meant to be.
I was such an idiot back then and I still believe that currently, I didn't get any smarter. I decided to go to Poly just for the mere fact that they gave me a free ride. I read reviews on the college and it didn't seem bad at all. Little did I know, the school turns out to be the biggest shithole ever created. The campus is made up of TWO buildings..in almost all colleges, they have more cafeterias than that. I can complain all I want about the professors, most of the people, the stupid stuff we're learning but the matter of the fact is that I shouldn't have went to this school. I have met some cool people in Poly, two people that stand out (well, one does but I'm not so sure about the other one). But if I went to another school, I would have experienced a REAL college life and maybe meet that girl I have been waiting for. But right now, I can only see myself trapped in the metal combines of Poly, waiting for that day of graduation so I can move on with my life.
I realize no one is perfect, but I honestly believe I have a knack of making bad decisions. I sometimes think I'm kinda fcked up in the mind. Or maybe I'm just scared of what life might present me. Or maybe I'm just simply a moron. Either way, I'm not happy with my life and I know it's because of the decisions I make. I guess I have to toughen it out and look forward for more opportunities to improve my life.
C'est la vie...